Skip Tradition and Avoid These Wedding Vow No-No’s

In the heart of every wedding ceremony lies a pivotal moment: the exchange of vows. Traditional wedding vows have guided couples for centuries, but as society progresses, many couples are finding ways to infuse these age-old scripts with personal meaning and contemporary values. 

Contemplating how to honor tradition while saying vows that reflect modern wedding values? You’re not alone. Whether you’re planning a gay wedding and want to avoid heteronormative ideals, or you are a feminist who is against the patriarchal roots of marriage, this blog will offer tips on avoiding outdated phrases for an equal partnership. 

Keep reading for everything you need to know about how to write vows that promise love and reflect mutual respect.

What Are Traditional Wedding Vows, and Why Must We Rethink Them?

Traditional wedding vows have gone unquestioned as the backbone of marital ceremonies for centuries. But, when you take a closer look, wedding vows with obey reflect outdated patriarchal values that many modern couples no longer subscribe to. These vows were often formulated in a context where marriages were more about property alliances or legal contracts rather than love and partnership. 

As society progresses, we must update our rituals to reflect current values, reevaluating these age-old promises to ensure vows support a more equitable and balanced relationship. This shift honors the individuality of each partner for a stronger, more respectful union. 

Crafting Vows for an Equal Partnership

In the spirit of equality, many modern couples write nontraditional wedding vows that reflect a balanced partnership. Instead of adhering to the hierarchical language often found in traditional vows, these new promises focus on mutual respect, support, and shared goals. Couples are choosing to emphasize commitments such as “supporting each other’s dreams,” “facing challenges together,” and “sharing responsibilities equally” so that their vows accurately mirror their real-life dynamics and expectations.

This shift towards nontraditional vows sets the tone for a marriage built on the principles of equity and shared life journeys. For couples looking to articulate their unique vision and values in their ceremonies, modernizing their vows can be a powerful way to affirm their commitment to one another. Learn how to personalize your vows with our guide on writing tools for wedding vows.

Updated Vow Phrases for Today’s Couples

As more couples seek to reflect their values of equality and partnership in their wedding vows, traditional Judeo-Christian wedding vows are being transformed into pledges that honor mutual respect and love. Here are several examples of how you can revise outdated phrases to suit a more modern and egalitarian approach:

Instead of: “I promise to obey and serve you…”

Try: “I promise to support and inspire you as we grow together.”

Instead of: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife…”

Try: “I choose you as my partner in life, my greatest ally in all adventures.”

Instead of: “To have and to hold from this day forward…”

Try: “To laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you, throughout all of our days.”

Instead of: “To love, cherish, and obey…”

Try: “To love, cherish, and walk beside you, respecting you as an equal.”

Reflecting Your True Selves in Your Vows

Personalizing your wedding vows is a profound way to reflect your beliefs, values, and cultural background. When crafting nontraditional wedding vows, consider these tips:

• Include short anecdotes that capture your values or illustrate your journey together. These stories can add depth and personal significance to your vows.
• Blend elements from each partner’s cultural or spiritual background to honor your heritage while forging a new shared path.
• Whether it’s quotes from literature, lines from songs, or traditional blessings, choose words that resonate deeply with both of you.

How to Write Wedding Vows for Your Destination Wedding

Every step of your destination wedding planning journey can be a stressful one. But when it comes to knowing how to write wedding vows, you can certainly feel an immense amount of pressure. 

Writing the perfect wedding vows does not have to be one more stressor for your wedding planning process. This article will discuss some of the tools you can use to help you write the perfect vows, as well as how you can draw inspiration from traditional wedding vows and what steps you can take to make your wedding vows as sincere and earnest as can be.  

Writing Vows

If this is your first time getting married, it is likely that you do not know how to write wedding vows yet. The process can certainly feel intimidating, especially as you are starting out. Luckily, there are plenty of tools at your disposal when it comes to writing memorable and personalized vows to share in front of your closest friends and family. 

Work With A Professional

There are professional writers who specialize in writing vows for weddings. Consider talking to one of these professionals to get a few ideas on how to start. 

Even if you don’t want a vow writer to do all of the work for you, a writer can help you edit or even help you find your talking points. If you need help organizing your thoughts or finding a good starting point, look for a vow writer to help you out. 

Get Inspired

Think about the most meaningful wedding traditions and vows that you have heard or witnessed throughout your life. You can always be inspired by the love you see in the world. When you write your vows, try to incorporate elements of love stories and marriages that mean the most to you. 

Traditional Wedding Vows 

Many cultures and religions have customary wedding vows that can be used for a traditional wedding. These vows are traditional for a reason! They are heartfelt and can help you discover how to write wedding vows if you cannot find the right words and are struggling to put your feelings onto paper. 

Here are a few traditions or considerations that might inspire you as you begin writing vows yourself: 

Hindu Wedding Vows

In Hindu weddings, the exchange of vows is known as “The Seven Steps”, or saptapadi. Together, the couple steps forward and recites what these seven steps will symbolize in their new marriage. 

The first step, for example, is taken for healthy food living. The fourth step is taken for harmony, love, and trust in their relationship. These vows are a beautiful way to look to the future together with an agreement to nourish the relationship, the home, and the family. 

Inter-Faith Vows

Inter-faith weddings, which are a union of people from two different cultures or religions, can look a lot of different ways. 

There is no single way to write vows for an inter-faith ceremony. Typically, though, there will be elements from both religions woven together. Vows will usually contain classic and traditional promises like care and commitment in sickness and in health, as well as love and honor until death do us part. 

Non-Denominational Vows

Non-denominational vows are vows that do not adhere to any specific culture or religion. These vows often center around complete and realized unity, and may even include the act of tying a fisherman’s knot, which becomes stronger under pressure. Non-denominational vows include commitments of equality, trust, and growth together. 

Personalized Vows

If you are looking to forgo the traditional wedding vows and write something that is entirely your own, you can do it! There is no wrong way to write your vows, but sometimes it can be tricky to know where to start. Here are some tips on how to write wedding vows that are entirely your own: 

Start Early

Do not expect to have a perfect set of vows after just the first draft. This process takes time, so make sure you don’t leave anything to the last minute! Think through all of the most important elements of your love and your relationship, and what you want to say in those brief couple of minutes. 

Try making a list of the most important points you want to bring up in your vows. This can make it a lot easier to organize and fill in the gaps as you write, instead of just going off of the top of your head. 

Share Your Vows

Don’t be afraid to share your vows with other people! Talk to your friends and family and get their opinions. They will be able to tell you if your writing sounds natural and can even offer you helpful feedback about how to tweak the wording of some of your sentences. The people who love you most want you to succeed, so they will be sure to offer you some excellent feedback. 

Speak To The Relationship 

Try to match the tone of your vows to that of your relationship. Think about what makes the two of you so special together. Do you two thrive on humor, romance, or something else? Be inspired by the person you love and how they make your life better. 

Crafting Vows That Resonate with Your Hearts

As modern couples seek to express their love and commitment in ways that truly reflect who they are, stepping away from traditional wedding vows becomes a meaningful choice. Whether you infuse your promises with feminist ideals, cultural honors, or personal anecdotes, now is the time to make your wedding vows nontraditional.

The Ultimate Guide to Writing Perfect Wedding Vows for a Destination Wedding

Worrying about how to write your own wedding vows? It’s a big undertaking to sit down and try to sum up all your affection, dreams, and promises to your partner in a few short minutes. Overwhelming as it can be, it is more than worth it! It’s a chance to tell your love story, give your guests a peek into what makes your relationship work, and share meaningful words of love with the person you have chosen to love forever.

Wedding vows are intimate and challenging – you really are baring your heart to your significant other, and you’re doing it in front of your family and closest friends. “It’s not easy to craft a perfect wedding vow yourself. However, it doesn’t make sense to do anything other than that. Vows need to be truthful and come from the heart”, says a senior writer and content editor at BestEssayEducation, Melanie Sovann. If you’re ready to start tackling that challenging task, here are the most important tips:

1. Don’t forget to say “I love you”

This seems like a no-brainer, but saying I love you, especially during such a moment means a lot and gives that additional note of romance to the entire story. Don’t be afraid to say it.

2. Tell your partner you’ll be there through good and bad

The majority of wedding vows, be it traditional or personal—are usually based on the “through sickness and health, through good times and bad times, and for richer or for poorer” part. The reality is that all marriages have their ups and downs, so it is nice to communicate your willingness to get through those moments together.

3. Share personal stories

It’s far more interesting for your friends and family to hear about your odd habits and personal moments, so don’t be embarrassed to talk about the highs and the lows. Many people tend to be hesitant to get real in their vows, but that is actually what your guests want to hear; because we all know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. These also act as relatable moments everyone can understand.

4. Make actual promises

Vows shouldn’t just be cute anecdotes—they should be a promise, a serious commitment you’re making to your partner, and that you’re making in front of those you love. However, that doesn’t mean they have to be heavy, or too serious. The important thing is to mean what you’re saying and to try to do your best in keeping these promises.

5. Acknowledge the support you’ll need from others

You’ve gathered your friends and family to celebrate your wedding day, but the honest truth is, you’ll need them just as much during your marriage. So, it would be good to acknowledge the role of, family and friends in making your marriage work; since they will be the ones who will help and support you when times get tough.

The love and support of family and friends provide a strong foundation, but sometimes, even the most devoted couples need guidance to navigate life’s complexities. Open communication, mutual understanding, and emotional resilience are essential, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

That’s where couples counselling can be invaluable—offering a safe space to work through differences, strengthen bonds, and ensure that both partners feel heard and valued. Just as loved ones stand by your side on your wedding day, professional guidance can help reinforce the commitment you’ve made to each other, allowing your marriage to grow and flourish in the face of life’s inevitable ups and downs.

6. Don’t wait until the last minute

When planning a wedding and the details around it, timing is everything. Estelle Liotard, a writer and content marketing specialist at TrustMyPaper, shares her experience: “Every time there’s a daunting task that you have months to prepare, we tend to do it at the last minute, which is known as Parkinson’s law. That’s why we get dozens of requests from soon-to-be newlyweds to write their wedding vows a couple of days before the ceremony”.
Therefore, plan to have your vows written at least three weeks before your wedding. Trust us, when the last-minute stress kicks in, that will be the last thing you would want to worry about.

7. Make a list of all your thoughts

You don’t have to try to put everything into meaningful sentences right away. Simply write down the things you love about your future spouse, what is making you happy about your marriage and what promises you want to make to your future significant other. Revisit these notes later, after your thoughts have calmed down a bit, and highlight your favorite things. Use those as the starting point for your wedding vows.

8. Avoid words like “always” and “never”

This kind of strong language is something you will hardly be able to live up to, in real life. It’s not always going to be easy, on the contrary, so don’t promise perfection. It is best to keep it realistic.

9. Embrace your feelings and don’t worry about being cheesy

Writing your vows isn’t the time to stress over being corny or cheesy. If the written words are heartfelt, then they’re not cheesy. Each vow is special and unique, so don’t be afraid to give it your all while writing yours.

10. Go after laughter

Stressful moments often require a bit of humor to counter those feelings of anxiety and pressure. Regardless of the fact that your wedding day is the best day of your life, stress is inevitable, and all newlyweds will confirm that as a fact. That being said, the ability to make your future spouse smile and even laugh out loud during your ceremony will serve you great in your marriage.

11. Get inspired with books, songs, movies, and poems

If you have a favorite line from a movie or a poem that expresses your feelings just right, use it as a starting point. That will help you move forward in your vows and allow you to open your heart and pour your thoughts on that piece of paper that holds such an important place in your wedding ceremony.

12. Practice reading out loud

You’ve done it all right, but the only way to make sure everything will turn out perfect is to hear it out. Reading your vows out loud will help you catch those spots where the words or the grammar might be questionable; as well as make you see if the overall text makes sense as such.

13. Ask a trusted friend to listen and edit

A close friend who is a great listener, and is good at keeping secrets will be an important ally. He/she can be a constructive critic and help you improve your vows to make sure you really will send the message you want to send.

14. Keep the vows a secret from your partner until the ceremony

Your vows are a gift to each other, so don’t share before the big day. It will make the ceremony all the more meaningful and emotional if you’re hearing them for the first time at that very moment.

Conclusion

There is so much of importance and intensity hidden in wedding vows. We all tend to prepare and react differently while in the process of making them. Nevertheless, we hope this list will be a good guide for all future newlyweds.

The best advice? Write your wedding vows from the heart. For more insights on creating heartfelt and memorable feminist wedding vows, explore our resources and guidance at Destify, your partner in planning the perfect destination wedding.