Skip Tradition and Avoid These Wedding Vow No-No’s

In the heart of every wedding ceremony lies a pivotal moment: the exchange of vows. Traditional wedding vows have guided couples for centuries, but as society progresses, many couples are finding ways to infuse these age-old scripts with personal meaning and contemporary values. 

Contemplating how to honor tradition while saying vows that reflect modern wedding values? You’re not alone. Whether you’re planning a gay wedding and want to avoid heteronormative ideals, or you are a feminist who is against the patriarchal roots of marriage, this blog will offer tips on avoiding outdated phrases for an equal partnership. 

Keep reading for everything you need to know about how to write vows that promise love and reflect mutual respect.

What Are Traditional Wedding Vows, and Why Must We Rethink Them?

Traditional wedding vows have gone unquestioned as the backbone of marital ceremonies for centuries. But, when you take a closer look, wedding vows with obey reflect outdated patriarchal values that many modern couples no longer subscribe to. These vows were often formulated in a context where marriages were more about property alliances or legal contracts rather than love and partnership. 

As society progresses, we must update our rituals to reflect current values, reevaluating these age-old promises to ensure vows support a more equitable and balanced relationship. This shift honors the individuality of each partner for a stronger, more respectful union. 

Crafting Vows for an Equal Partnership

In the spirit of equality, many modern couples write nontraditional wedding vows that reflect a balanced partnership. Instead of adhering to the hierarchical language often found in traditional vows, these new promises focus on mutual respect, support, and shared goals. Couples are choosing to emphasize commitments such as “supporting each other’s dreams,” “facing challenges together,” and “sharing responsibilities equally” so that their vows accurately mirror their real-life dynamics and expectations.

This shift towards nontraditional vows sets the tone for a marriage built on the principles of equity and shared life journeys. For couples looking to articulate their unique vision and values in their ceremonies, modernizing their vows can be a powerful way to affirm their commitment to one another. Learn how to personalize your vows with our guide on writing tools for wedding vows.

Updated Vow Phrases for Today’s Couples

As more couples seek to reflect their values of equality and partnership in their wedding vows, traditional Judeo-Christian wedding vows are being transformed into pledges that honor mutual respect and love. Here are several examples of how you can revise outdated phrases to suit a more modern and egalitarian approach:

Instead of: “I promise to obey and serve you…”

Try: “I promise to support and inspire you as we grow together.”

Instead of: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife…”

Try: “I choose you as my partner in life, my greatest ally in all adventures.”

Instead of: “To have and to hold from this day forward…”

Try: “To laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you, throughout all of our days.”

Instead of: “To love, cherish, and obey…”

Try: “To love, cherish, and walk beside you, respecting you as an equal.”

Reflecting Your True Selves in Your Vows

Personalizing your wedding vows is a profound way to reflect your beliefs, values, and cultural background. When crafting nontraditional wedding vows, consider these tips:

• Include short anecdotes that capture your values or illustrate your journey together. These stories can add depth and personal significance to your vows.
• Blend elements from each partner’s cultural or spiritual background to honor your heritage while forging a new shared path.
• Whether it’s quotes from literature, lines from songs, or traditional blessings, choose words that resonate deeply with both of you.

How to Write Wedding Vows for Your Destination Wedding

Every step of your destination wedding planning journey can be a stressful one. But when it comes to knowing how to write wedding vows, you can certainly feel an immense amount of pressure. 

Writing the perfect wedding vows does not have to be one more stressor for your wedding planning process. This article will discuss some of the tools you can use to help you write the perfect vows, as well as how you can draw inspiration from traditional wedding vows and what steps you can take to make your wedding vows as sincere and earnest as can be.  

Writing Vows

If this is your first time getting married, it is likely that you do not know how to write wedding vows yet. The process can certainly feel intimidating, especially as you are starting out. Luckily, there are plenty of tools at your disposal when it comes to writing memorable and personalized vows to share in front of your closest friends and family. 

Work With A Professional

There are professional writers who specialize in writing vows for weddings. Consider talking to one of these professionals to get a few ideas on how to start. 

Even if you don’t want a vow writer to do all of the work for you, a writer can help you edit or even help you find your talking points. If you need help organizing your thoughts or finding a good starting point, look for a vow writer to help you out. 

Get Inspired

Think about the most meaningful wedding traditions and vows that you have heard or witnessed throughout your life. You can always be inspired by the love you see in the world. When you write your vows, try to incorporate elements of love stories and marriages that mean the most to you. 

Traditional Wedding Vows 

Many cultures and religions have customary wedding vows that can be used for a traditional wedding. These vows are traditional for a reason! They are heartfelt and can help you discover how to write wedding vows if you cannot find the right words and are struggling to put your feelings onto paper. 

Here are a few traditions or considerations that might inspire you as you begin writing vows yourself: 

Hindu Wedding Vows

In Hindu weddings, the exchange of vows is known as “The Seven Steps”, or saptapadi. Together, the couple steps forward and recites what these seven steps will symbolize in their new marriage. 

The first step, for example, is taken for healthy food living. The fourth step is taken for harmony, love, and trust in their relationship. These vows are a beautiful way to look to the future together with an agreement to nourish the relationship, the home, and the family. 

Inter-Faith Vows

Inter-faith weddings, which are a union of people from two different cultures or religions, can look a lot of different ways. 

There is no single way to write vows for an inter-faith ceremony. Typically, though, there will be elements from both religions woven together. Vows will usually contain classic and traditional promises like care and commitment in sickness and in health, as well as love and honor until death do us part. 

Non-Denominational Vows

Non-denominational vows are vows that do not adhere to any specific culture or religion. These vows often center around complete and realized unity, and may even include the act of tying a fisherman’s knot, which becomes stronger under pressure. Non-denominational vows include commitments of equality, trust, and growth together. 

Personalized Vows

If you are looking to forgo the traditional wedding vows and write something that is entirely your own, you can do it! There is no wrong way to write your vows, but sometimes it can be tricky to know where to start. Here are some tips on how to write wedding vows that are entirely your own: 

Start Early

Do not expect to have a perfect set of vows after just the first draft. This process takes time, so make sure you don’t leave anything to the last minute! Think through all of the most important elements of your love and your relationship, and what you want to say in those brief couple of minutes. 

Try making a list of the most important points you want to bring up in your vows. This can make it a lot easier to organize and fill in the gaps as you write, instead of just going off of the top of your head. 

Share Your Vows

Don’t be afraid to share your vows with other people! Talk to your friends and family and get their opinions. They will be able to tell you if your writing sounds natural and can even offer you helpful feedback about how to tweak the wording of some of your sentences. The people who love you most want you to succeed, so they will be sure to offer you some excellent feedback. 

Speak To The Relationship 

Try to match the tone of your vows to that of your relationship. Think about what makes the two of you so special together. Do you two thrive on humor, romance, or something else? Be inspired by the person you love and how they make your life better. 

Crafting Vows That Resonate with Your Hearts

As modern couples seek to express their love and commitment in ways that truly reflect who they are, stepping away from traditional wedding vows becomes a meaningful choice. Whether you infuse your promises with feminist ideals, cultural honors, or personal anecdotes, now is the time to make your wedding vows nontraditional.

The best advice? Write your wedding vows from the heart. For more insights on creating heartfelt and memorable feminist wedding vows, explore our resources and guidance at Destify, your partner in planning the perfect destination wedding.